Friday, November 16 2018 - 5:32 AM
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A Sleepless Night

2,351… 2,352… 2,353… I’m beginning to think that this counting sheep thing is a sham! You see, for the past couple of hours I have been trying every technique that I know to be able to fall asleep. I’ve had three cups of warm milk, a warm shower, and I’ve sprayed my pillows with lavender oils. And if I never see another sheep again, I’ll be just fine. What’s worse is that in a few hours I have to get up and get ready to go to clinic and be attentive to the needs of my clients (for whom I provide individual psychotherapy). It’s a little hard to be attentive when you’re running on fumes. So I struggle with myself, and plead with my body to just relax. Just relax enough to get some sleep. PLEASE!

But my body refuses. And with good reason! You see I’m expecting an e-mail very soon from the National Matching Service. They are in charge with matching psychology graduate students (e.g., me) to national internships. These internships last about a year and are, usually, the last requirement of many psychology graduate programs before a degree can be conferred. But the problem is that the entire process is very competitive. Often very talented, bright people find that they have not matched to an internship program and have to repeat a year of graduate training and start the expensive and stress-inducing application/interview process all over again. So here I was, knowing all of this and knowing that I had spent all of my savings on fees, travel, hotels and a business suit. I had prepared for every interview question, written and rewritten my essays, and gotten the best recommendations I could find. And now all I can do is wait.

And then I remember that I’ve been here before. I’ve been in situations when I’ve done everything that is humanly possible and the only way to make it through is by relying on God. So I let go of every attempt that I’m making to fall asleep and just pray. I don’t know if letting go and trusting God will ever become automatic for me. Maybe one day. But I do know this: I WAS able to fall asleep that night. And it was while reciting the lines of one of my favorite biblical passages:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matthew 6:25-26, NIV).

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About Jael Amador

Jael Amador

writes from New York, New York.

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