When thinking about marriage, some women fantasize about beautiful homes with white picket fences, children running through the lawn, and memorable family gatherings. While women may enjoy romanticizing the concept of marriage and Mr. Right and what life may be like as a wife and or mother, the reality is that what a woman needs from her husband has little to do with fantasy.
Indeed, what women need most is to know their partner is going to stay around no matter what life may bring.
This may sound like too basic a need, but when over 50% of marriages end in divorce, commitment is a serious problem. Women not only want their husbands to commit to a life together on the day of their wedding, but they need to be reminded of this decision often. This sense of commitment that women need from their husbands must be demonstrated emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially.
In a marriage, women need their husbands to be committed emotionally and to express this by actively listening.
Research suggests that the average woman speaks nearly three times as many words per day as the average man, for women talking about their feelings is essential. Women want to be able to express their ideas, concerns, or fears with their husbands. When husbands make eye contact or nod as part of listening, they convey that they care about what their wives share.
Talking or processing their thoughts with their husbands creates emotional intimacy and trust for wives. Husbands can further show their emotional commitment and support by encouraging their wives to share when they are content, saddened, or confused. When women share their feelings and husbands take the time to reflect and/or empathize on what they have said, women feel loved and valued.
In addition, women need their husbands to be committed spiritually.
This spiritual pledge can be seen when husbands model grace and acceptance to their wives. This is not easy for anyone, but the effects are far-reaching. For example, I know from personal experience how witnessing my husband’s spiritual commitment helps strengthen our marriage. It also strengthens my assurance of his love and dedication to our relationship.
During our four years of marriage, my husband and I have had our share of disagreements. What is amazing is that even when I know I am fully to blame and am too proud to apologize, my husband can let go of the situation and treat me as though nothing is wrong. My husband chooses to love and forgive me just as our Heavenly Father has loved and forgiven him. When my husband models his commitment spiritually, I am reminded of God’s abounding love and grace.
Women also need physical commitment from their husbands.
Physical commitment can mean different things for different women. For some women, physical commitment may be spending time together. They love the attention and interaction that is part of spending time together. When husbands intentionally carve time out of their schedules to take their wives out to dinner, a movie, or even out to the nearest coffee shop, women feel tremendously prioritized and loved. For other women, physical commitment may be touch. A hug, a kiss, or holding hands communicates love and closeness. Still, for others, physical commitment may best be described as time spent investing in the relationship.
An example of this would be a husband buying his wife flowers or making her breakfast. These acts convey to the woman that she is a central part of her husband’s life and that he is genuinely interested in making her happy. When a husband is deliberate about the time he spends with his wife, he expresses his physical commitment to the marriage.
Finally, women need to be able to depend on their husbands financially.
This does not mean that women need their husbands to be millionaires. Simply stated, women want to be sure that their husbands are hard-working men who desire to provide for their families. It is imperative that women feel the security of a stable income. Regarding stable incomes, I do not mean that every husband must have a salaried position. Instead, I am referring to the act of generating money on a regular basis. Stable incomes provide structure and consistency for family life.
Stable incomes allow families to plan for day-to-day activities such as eating, paying bills, and owning a vehicle, and also for the recreational aspects of life such as going out to dinner. If husbands are not hard working or their income is inconsistent, it greatly strains the entire family and, subsequently, the marriage. In sensing this lack of commitment, women may feel alone and unsupported, and resentment may creep into the marriage.
Making Marriage Last
Marriage is beautiful and challenging. The decision to marry is a significant step in a person’s life.
It is a decision meant to last forever, or at least until death do you part. Yet, many individuals still approach marriage without a clear picture of what they would like out of a marriage and much less of a picture of what is necessary. It is vital that men and women understand what they need in their partners. A woman needs a highly committed spouse who will express his pledge to the relationship in several ways.
When emotionally committed, a husband actively communicates with his wife and offers empathy if needed. In being spiritually pledged to his wife, a husband will offer grace and acceptance even when difficult. A woman also needs her husband to invest time in the relationship by being with her, offering physical touch, buying her gifts, or performing acts of service. And women feel secure when they know they can depend on their spouse financially.
Great peace fills a marriage when both partners know they can count on one another for the storms of life. And couples can best weather those storms when they decide to commit to each other on a daily basis.
Cecelia Liversidge writes from Nebraska.© 2002 - 2023, AnswersForMe.org. All rights reserved. Click here for content usage information.