Losing Control

I recently lost my mother to cancer, and since then, I feel the most comfortable when I rely solely on myself to control my life. All through the winter and spring quarters of my junior year in college, I tried to nail down my summer plans. I needed a roommate to help with rent. I needed to work to pay bills, my half of the rent, and the debt I had acquired while being a student missionary. Luckily, by late spring quarter, I had it all figured out. Things were going to be ok.

Losing Control

Then, a few weeks before the quarter ended, everything fell apart in three days. The student moving in decided to work in Portland for the summer. So I texted my boss to make sure I’d have enough work to cover rent. She texted me back saying she could keep me on as a sub but couldn’t guarantee full-time work. I got hold of my other boss and found out that hours there had been cut as well. I panicked. My plans were collapsing. I sat and bawled. Everything was out of control, even after all my planning.

An Open Door

My boyfriend, Nate, offered what he felt was the only option I had left. He told me he had talked to his parents, and I could live with them in California for the summer and do odd jobs. I had only met his parents twice before, so moving in with them for three months really scared me. Going to a new place at the last minute made me feel off-balance. Having no set work schedule meant I had no routine. Even though I did get a roommate at the last minute, it wasn’t enough. Yet, despite all the fears I had, it was the only door that was open for me. So I took it. And it changed my life in a much bigger way than I had thought could be possible in one summer.

In California, I worked periodically testing software for a small business. The CEO had done Nate a favor by giving me the job, but in the end, after I worked hard and did well, the company offered me a full-time job after I graduate in June. Wow!

Letting God Take Charge

Because my mother’s loss taught me that I couldn’t control the big things, I had been trying to control the things I felt I could. In my preoccupation with that, I had seen the small picture, just trying to pay rent and bills for a summer; instead, God had seen the big picture. God had been planning for the next several years of my life while at the same time solving my immediate problems, like finding a summer renter at the last minute. Now I realize that if I let God take charge rather than control things myself, He’ll help me plan things out. He knows what is best, and He knows how to make it happen.

If you liked this, you might also like Alpha and Omega | What Does ‘Let Go and Let God’ Really Mean? 

Alexandria Buell Spiva writes from Northern California.

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