College For One

There I was, sitting alone in my dorm room halfway through my first quarter of college. How did I get here? I thought. I was in Washington state, across the country from my Florida home, completely alone, and I had no friends, no one to talk to, no one to be with. This was not how I imagined my college experience. This was not how things were supposed to be.

High school was difficult for me, so I’d decided college was my chance to start fresh. I chose a school far from home where I knew no one, where everything was new. My roommate was randomly selected and I couldn’t wait to meet her. I figured we would become best friends and do everything together. I was excited for the possibilities.

We emailed each other over the summer, but when I moved in, she was quiet and barely talked to me. It seemed like we had nothing in common, and she wouldn’t even acknowledge me when I entered our room. By the end of the first week, I knew things wouldn’t change. Eventually I gave up hope of developing a relationship.

I tried making friends with my classmates, but it was as if people had already made their groups, so there wasn’t room for me.

Searching for a New Roommate

After too many nights of crying myself to sleep and feeling hopeless, I decided to search for a new roommate. I went to the dean’s office to look at their list of possibilities, but I didn’t know any of them. I looked at their profiles but none of them felt right; none of them fit my idea of the perfect roommate, my new best friend.

I would go back every week to see if there were new people, but none of them interested me. By now it was week eight of the quarter, and my roommate told me she was moving out. I needed to find someone fast.

One day as I was walking to my room, I noticed one of the doors on my hall had only one name tag, a sign the girl didn’t have a roommate. I went down to the dean’s office and found her name on the list. She had many similar interests and, after seeing her picture, I realized she was in one of my classes. It felt like a perfect match.

After a few days I walked by her room again and noticed the door was open.

“Hey, I saw you didn’t have a roommate, and I’m looking for one,” I said to her. She said she was, and that we could talk later and see if we were a good fit. As I walked to my room, I was filled with the same excitement that I had before coming to school. Maybe this would work; maybe she was the friend I was looking for.

We agreed to be roommates and moved in together the next quarter. Needless to say, I was right; she was the friend I needed. We had the same major and would bond over classes. We did everything together, eventually becoming inseparable. It was everything I had hoped for.

Alone Again

While I would like to say the story ends there and that things were perfect, that wasn’t the case. After we finished out our freshman and sophomore years together, she left. The school was too expensive and she wanted to be closer to home. I begged her not to leave, but she did. With my best friend gone, I was back where I started almost two years ago. I was alone and afraid, and I didn’t know what to do.

When I came back after the summer I had a new, randomly selected roommate. I didn’t think anyone could replace my friend, so I didn’t bother trying to become friends with my new roommate. I ended up alone again.

Luckily, some people I knew happened to live on my hall, and even though I wasn’t close with them, we slowly got to know each other and became great friends.

Throughout this entire ordeal I never prayed to God. Even though I had been raised in the Church, I wasn’t a religious person, so it never occurred to me that I should. However, looking back I realize how much of a part He has had in my life. Even though I never talked to God and practically ignored Him, He still took care of me. God doesn’t make us talk to Him before He helps us. He’s always there guiding us, even when we choose our own path in life. God helped me find my best friend when I thought I would be alone in college, and even though she left, He helped me find new friends. God was always leading me, and I know He always will.

Katherine Beckner writes from the Pacific Northwest.

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